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Hypo-shutthehellup

Today the web is making it easier for hypochondriacs everywhere to get find out their illnesses faster than every before. Thanks to websites like WebMD, if someone thinks they're coming down with SARS, they can type in SARS and twist the words around easier than ever.

Circleville, Ohio is home to one of America's largest hypochondriacs, known as Super Bitch. As she exclaims in her blog, "I seriously feel like I am having an outbreak of mono! I slept from 9:30 last night until 7:00 this morning and I already feel like I could sleep the rest of the day. CRAP!" This manipulator of words, diseases, and men probably sleeps all the time because her boy toy is at work and she has nothing else better to do. Last time I checked, mono isn't the only thing that makes you tired. Here, I'll help. You might be tired because of:

• Caffeine Deficiency
• Staying up for 3 straight days
• Not eating
• Hypoglycemia
• Allergies
• Being Fat
• Depression (Christ, don't get me started)
• Cancer
• Gout
• Hashimoto’s thyroiditis
• Being a bitch
• Graves’ disease
• Being married

Seems to me like she probably has all of the above, or at least that's what she'd say. Solution? Only one way to go: