Congress Cracks Down on Fatties

As 2006 draws near, billions of people all over the world plan their New Year's Resolutions. Or, in other words, they're lying to themselves and their loved ones. What's the two most resolutions? According to studies, to stop smoking and to lose weight.

One of those resolutions just got a whole lot easier.

Companies across America are cracking down on smokers. Some refuse to allow employees to smoke on their breaks at work. Some are threatening to fire people if they don't quit smoking all together. And some just refuse to hire you if you fail a nicotine test. So what's stopping companies from cutting down on fat people? Nothing, now.

Congress has just passed the Fire All Big People law (aka FAB People), allowing employers to fire anyone considered clinically obese. Congressman Gregory Jolton says, "this new law is excepted to put 80 million people out of a job, but increase the number of people who marry someone from work."

You'd think that the Federal Government would be hurting after a decision like this, with more people out of work and more collecting Food Stamps, Welfare, and other Federal Aid. But President Bush states, "most people who smoke and are overweight are already on Welfare and other federal aid."