[March 22, 2005] A
judge yesterday ruled that Terri Shiavo's feeding tube be removed. And
that's good. I'm not some kind of insensitive prick, I think letting her die
is actually best for her. Think about it, she's in a vegetative state, she
can't do anything, she can't even eat on her own. How long would you like to
live like that?
Now here's the legal side of it. She's
taking up a hospital room, she's taking up taxpayers money, and she wants to
die. Hell, her husband even said she should die. So what's the fight about?
Just do it. In fact, there's probably thousands of people just like her in
America. Chances are if Terri dies, so will they. Is it right... well,
that's for the politicians to decide.
'ROIDS IN COURT
[March 18, 2005] Yesterday
in a congressional hearing, Mark McGwire basically admitted to doing
steroids when he played. He never came out and said it, but when members
asked him if he did, he simply never answered, and continued to "take the
fifth" all afternoon. In other words, he was juiced. Many famous baseball
players appeared in court yesterday like Sammy Sosa, Jose Canseco, and
McGwire. But the surprise testimony of the day came from DL Casto. He told
the court, "hell yeah I do the juice. I'd give 'roids to my dog." When asked
if he thought steroids were ethical, DL replied, "I don't care about ethics.
All I know is when I flex, women scream."
As testimony went on, DL asked for a 15
minute recess to "juice back up." When he came back, he beat the hell out of
Jose Canseco for mentioning him in his book. Casto is being held on $500,000
DEPRESSION, PART 2
[March 13, 2005] "Woe
is me, I can't get a boyfriend. I have nobody that wants to talk to me. I'm
all alone in the world." If you thought that the previous statement was
someone who is clinically depressed, you're right AND wrong. Yes, it's
possible that this person went in to the doctor, told him all about how
sucky life is, and the doc prescribed some Zoloft. Where you're wrong is the
fact that there is no such thing as clinical depression. If everyone in the
world went to the doctor every time they were feeling down, then the drug
companies would be filthy rich. Go ahead and take some pills because you're
too ugly. Sure, those meds make you feel better about yourself, but it
doesn't make you look any better. Just makes you forget exactly how ugly you
Now of course, this could apply in many
situations. Like, for instance, if a family member died. Yeah, you're sad,
you're hurt, but poppin' pills won't bring that dude outta the grave. Do it
old school... just tough it out, and live to see another day. Now if the
world came to an end, I'd understand why you'd need pills.
[March 10, 2005] After
millions of years of being on the air, Dan Rather finally called it quits
last night. After coming in last in ratings to everyone in the past 10
years, he decided to "go out on top," as he called it. Sure Dan, you went
out on top. Between the Bush story that you screwed up, to the hooker you
in the bathroom before your last show, you sure went out on top. Aim high,
little buddy. No matter how you went out Dan, we'll all remember you
for being a pampas ass when the story broke that your story about the Prez
was a little off target. How about the time you beat that little kid up in
an alley because he looked at your shopping cart wrong? What about the
blonde you slammed in a wood chipper? Bet you never told anyone about that,
did ya? You're our hero, Dan.
[March 6, 2005] I guess
this is an article that I'm just going to have to write every now and then.
It seems like once a week I get an e-mail or an instant message that tells
me to stop writing about them on my website. I read this and just kinda
laugh for a while before replying with a link to my Terms
of Service page. Because you see, I'm somewhat intelligent. I did well
in school, and pick up on things quickly. So when I got busted the first
time for writing something about a local grocery store employee who will
spend his whole life scanning cans of beans, I got smart. So when someone
says, "stop writing about me," I usually ask them to show me where I wrote
about them. Then I ask them to show me their name. They search and the
search. Nothing stating their whole name. So I win and I mark one up for me.
Then I get the classic insult, "all you
do all day is play with your little computer. Get a life!" Ah, you see,
computers are my life. Not to the extent that I stay up all night with it,
but it pays the bills. I have an education and a job in computers. And you
have a job making 8 bucks an hour bringing me my coffee if you're ignorant
enough to think I'm messing with this site all day. Oh, don't forget to make
those copies for me too.
People with this little brain capacity
usually end up with a job mixing concrete for a living. Have fun. Call me up
if you need a job washing cars too. Mine's a little dirty.
SUCK IT JACK FROST
[March 1, 2005]
Today's the first day of March. I guess Jack Frost didn't get the memo.
Cause there he was waiting for me in my driveway this morning when I go to
warm up my car. "Where you goin' Buckey? Starting your car? Better let it
run a couple minutes longer this morning, cause I took a big world class
white dump on your car while you were sleeping! And I pissed in your gas
tank." Man, that Jack Frost is a real bully.
[March 21, 2005] It's
been a while since I've had a basketball bracket that looked this bad. I
think I could have let a 2 year old throw up on my bracket, and he'd pick
better teams than I did. I chose some upsets, I picked some solid teams...
but who would have known the national champs would have lost to NC State? Or
that Kansas would be slapped by, who? Bucknell? Who's that?
Next year, I've decided to go bold for
the tourney. All 16 seeds will go to the final four. We're talkin' Holy
Cross vs. Southwestern Central Indiana St. vs. DeVry-Columbus vs. the
Mormons of Northeastern Idaho. I'm liking those crazy Mormons of
Northeastern Idaho as champs. Can't go wrong.
UPDATE: Look for the
GotBuckey Comic Book in April!
[March 16, 2005] There's
a whole bunch of college classes that are just about pointless. The reason I
went to DeVry is because they focus on your major. No extra-curricular
classes. Straight to the basics... so I thought. Here's some classes I have
and already had...
Critical Thinking - Huh? I honestly
don't remember what this class was about. I guess I need to work on my
critical thinking skills.
Comp100 - It's basically a class on how
to turn on a computer and access the internet. Lets put it this way, if
you're reading this site right now, you don't need this class.
Project Management - A class on how to
join in to groups and work together. Guess what... I work in a project group
at work, it's nothing like this stupid class.
Contemporary Literature - Why do we
care about Edgar Allan Poe?
Contemporary History - I learned all
about the history of disgusting tall blondes riddled with disease and big
I feel like I lose 10 IQ points every
time I go to one of these classes. I've learned more from watching bubbles
float to the top of my Coke glass than I did from those classes.
DEPRESSION IS WEAK
[March 11, 2005] Raise
your hand if you know someone who "claims" they're clinically depressed. Go
ahead, keep those hands held high. Now keep it raised if they're full of BS.
Chances are, everyone of you should have your hands still up. Depression is
just a way of getting attention and getting yourself out of having to kill
yourself. "My life is so horrible. I hate it. I need my Zoloft before I
actually cut my wrists. I swear to God, I'll do it!" I'm no doctor, but
here's a better solution. Go ahead and kill yourself, because you're just
making the world a darker place by spreading your negativity all over my
game. While you're wailing about like a total retard because you're
"chemically imbalanced," everyone's looking at you wishing you'd go ahead
and keel over because you're just trying to get attention.
You need a doctor Phil for this? Ok,
here you go. Dr. Phil says call Smith & Wesson. They've got your answer.
GOT BUCKEY COMIC BOOK
[March 8, 2005] Stop
what you're doing right now and cry for the good of all man-kind. I'm making
an announcement that will change the way you live. GotBuckey.com will be
making a comic book. Please, pull yourself back in your chair. From the
makers of great picture skits like "Thugs," "Stalker," "D6," and other
horrid animations like "Hadduken," "Stacey Beats Off," and "JJW Goes To
School" (never released), comes the first monthly GotBuckey Comic Series.
Look for one or more of the following to be included...
-Old people pushed off of buildings
-Small children eaten by Rick Withers
blondes slammed in
to a wood chipper
-Death by electrocution during sex
This is sure to end peace talks between
Middle Eastern countries and bring on terrorist attacks. Tune in soon for
the first issue.
IF FORD FOCUS WAS COOL
[March 3, 2005]
If driving a green Ford Focus was cool, wouldn't you think everyone would
own one? But
the cold hard fact is, no, driving a green Ford Focus isn't cool, it makes
you look like you're a father of two, with a mortgage and a minivan back
home. A four door family sedan... that just screams, "look at me! I couldn't
afford a real car, so I got this." It gets worse. How bout trying to trick
out a 4 door sedan. Now that my friend takes talent. Wait, no, it takes
someone that's on drugs. Or someone who's trying to impress a lady that
falls for anything, and anyone. But mainly anything.
Or maybe if you drive one, you feel
uncomfortable about the fact that your girlfriend is taller than you, so you
want to drive a car that makes you look taller. But hey, what do I know, I
wouldn't be caught dead in one.